


Home is where the hurt is

by justhockey



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Evan "Buck" Buckley, Boys In Love, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Protective Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24830656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: For a while Eddie had just felt, lost. Wandering. Like he was searching for something that he didn’t even know the name of yet. And then Buck crashed into his life, a whirlwind of energy and optimism andgoodness, and Eddie felt his heart immediately reach out to Buck, likeyes, this one, this one is mine.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 594





	Home is where the hurt is

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Would You Come Home_ by Tyler Blackburn, from Roswell, New Mexico.

_I still find my fathers shrapnel  
Buried beneath my skin  
But I've begun to heal in all the places your hands have been._

It’s early, when Eddie wakes up. The sun hasn’t even started to shine though the gap in the curtains, and his alarm is yet to ring. He loves these moments of quiet, where the house and the entire city are still, peaceful. The day ahead feels like it’s filled with endless opportunities and for just a short while, anything seems possible.

Most of all, he loves rolling over beneath the sleep-warm sheets, and seeing Buck sleeping right beside him. His hair is free from gel, and the curls are soft when Eddie lets his hands gently brush through them. Buck doesn’t wake yet, but sleep is slowly starting to leave him as he nestles closer to Eddie. 

It had taken them a long time to reach this point. From the moment they met there was - something. But for _years_ their timelines just hadn’t matched up, and when Eddie thought they were finally going somewhere, something else had always gotten in the way. 

Now that Eddie has him, he finds it impossible to even think about what life would look like without Evan Buckley. 

Buck is the best thing to happen to Eddie in what feels like an eternity. Christopher is his world - Buck’s too, for that matter - but for a while Eddie had just felt, lost. Wandering. Like he was searching for something that he didn’t even know the name of yet. And then Buck crashed into his life, a whirlwind of energy and optimism and _goodness_ , and Eddie felt his heart immediately reach out to Buck, like _yes, this one, this one is mine,_ and he hasn’t looked back since. 

Eddie loves Buck with everything in him, and he knows that Buck loves him and Christopher just as much. Their relationship isn’t always easy, though. Eddie learned quite quickly that the Buck everyone gets to see isn’t all of him. And while Eddie will forever be thankful that Buck loves and trusts him enough to be completely himself when they’re together, it makes Eddie’s heart so sad sometimes. 

Because Eddie knew that Buck and Maddie had had rough childhoods, but he hadn’t known the extent of it until he and Buck were together. Listening to Buck explain why he can be so insecure, so impulsive, so fragile, broke Eddie’s heart into pieces. He adores Buck so much he can’t imagine _anyone_ not loving him, especially not his own sorry excuse for parents. 

So things can be tough sometimes, but they’re always worth it, especially when Buck’s eyes slowly flicker open and a warm, sleepy smile spreads across his face when he sees Eddie watching him. He hums at the feels of Eddie’s fingers brushing against his scalp and leans into the touch. 

“Buenos días mi amor,” Eddie whispers into the quiet. 

“Hey baby,” Buck mumbles.

His voice is slow and thick with sleep, and Eddie thinks that he will never get tired of hearing it, never get tired of seeing Buck like this. He tugs lightly on Buck’s hair, bringing his head closer so they can kiss, morning breath and all. 

“Time is it?” Buck asks, just as their alarm starts to ring. 

He groans but then laughs, rubbing his eyes as Eddie leans over to grab his phone and shut off their alarm. They bask in the silence for a few seconds before Buck sits up and swings his legs out of bed. 

“I’ll get breakfast, you get the kid,” Buck says around a yawn.

Eddie’s heart fills with warmth. They’ve had the same routine for months now, but it still hasn’t gotten old. He still feels blessed by the heavens that this is his life, and that Buck and Christopher are his forever. 

While Buck heads through to the kitchen to make breakfast (pancakes, undoubtedly), Eddie makes his way to Christopher’s bedroom. The sun is peeking through the curtains now, and a patch of light is shining directly above Chris’ head like a halo. Ha. Shame that isn’t reflective of the little monster when he wakes up. 

“Morning buddy,” Eddie says loudly. 

Christopher groans and pulls the covers over his head. Because of course he does. 

“No, no, no, time to get up kid, you know the deal.”

He tugs the covers off Chris to try and encourage him to at least open his eyes, and it works, of a sort. Chris fixes Eddie with a stare that could make a weaker man buckle. Eddie just rolls his eyes. 

“Do _not_ give me that look, mister,” Eddie teases.

It doesn’t lighten the mood. God. Who’d have thought his kid would become a teenager at nine years old? 

It makes it even more annoying that when Buck and Eddie switch roles, Buck can get Chris up and dressed faster than Eddie can, now. It’s quite offensive, really. Eddie had asked why, once, and Christopher just fixed him with a look and said ‘because I _like_ Bucky’, so, that was Eddie told. 

(He secretly loves how much Chris absolutely adores Buck, but he has to keep up appearances.)

It takes much longer than they have time for, really, but eventually both Eddie _and_ Chris are ready, and they head into the kitchen for Buck’s breakfast. 

“Good morning superman,” Buck says cheerfully. 

He’s got a huge grin on his face as he places Chris’ stack of pancakes down in front of him, and Chris immediately matches it. 

“Thanks Bucky,” he replies around a mouthful, instantly stuffing his face. 

“He speaks!” Eddie cries out sarcastically. 

The whole time they’d been getting ready Chris had communicated entirely in grunts.

Buck snorts out a laugh and Chris rolls his eyes, but smiles and shoves at Eddie’s shoulder, so he’ll take it as a win. 

“Love you, buddy,” Buck says as presses a kiss into Chris’ hair, then into Eddie’s, before going back to the bedroom to get himself dressed and ready for work. 

Only seven minutes later than scheduled, they’re in the car and driving Chris to school. He’s rambling on about something he’d learned in science class, space and galaxies and stars, or whatever. And Buck is listening to every single word, nodding along and asking questions in all the right places, and not for the first time this morning, Eddie feels beyond lucky. 

The unusually light traffic means they pull into the parking lot of Chris’ school right on time. Buck parks in the space closest to the building so Chris doesn’t have as far to walk, and that’s just another point on Eddie’s endless list of _’reasons I love Evan’_.

“Can you take me in today, Buck?” Chris asks. 

And like, Eddie would be offended, but Christopher is smiling so brightly and Buck still feels flattered every time Chris wants him, so how could he?

“Of course bud, lets go.”

Buck hops out of the car, and while he’s getting the crutches out of the trunk, Eddie turns around in his seat to say goodbye. 

“Have a good day today, little man.”

“Oh I _will_ , we have science and art and Mr Bennett is the _best_ ,” he says all in one breath. 

“Wow, well it sounds like today is gonna be pretty great then, huh?” Eddie asks. 

“The best, dad! _And_ Abuela is picking me up!”

“She is,” Buck interjects as he opens Christopher’s door, “and then we’ll come get you once we’ve finished work.”

Eddie calls a final goodbye out the window and Christopher doesn’t even turn around, just waves a hand in Eddie’s general direction and continues telling Buck whatever it was that he’d started talking about. It’s dumb, really, but Eddie can’t help taking a picture of the two of them as they walk away from the car and towards the school. It’s just. This is his _family._

**—————**

Work is, well. It’s work. Idiots will be idiots. They’re just returning from their fourth call of the day, where a guy had got his foot stuck down a drainpipe while trying to propose to his girlfriend from the top of their roof. They’re too busy laughing and discussing the outcome (spoiler alert: she said yes) to notice the expensive rental car parked on the curb outside.

“I just can’t understand why he thought that was a good idea?” Buck asks. 

“So you’re saying I should _avoid_ doing that when I propose?” Chim jokes. 

Buck shoves Chim so hard he stumbles into Hen, and they all dissolve into another fit of laughter. Eddie bumps Buck’s hip and Bobby rolls his eyes and sighs like a disappointed parent. 

“Behave!” He calls over his shoulder as he walks up the stairs to his office. 

Eddie and Buck share a glance, and Buck’s eyes are alight. He’s smiling so wide that the sides of his eyes are crinkling and his cheeks are flushed pink. Eddie is just about to lean in and kiss him when a voice comes from behind them. 

“Hello.”

The man’s voice seems innocuous enough. Except Buck stills beside him and all of the colour drains from his face. He quickly takes a step back from Eddie, clearly trying to put some distance between them, but he doesn’t turn to look at whoever has just walked into the station. Eddie doesn’t either. 

“Buck,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck won’t even meet his eyes, and he wants to reach out but he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. He has no idea what’s going on, but he’s an expert at Buck’s body language by now, and nothing says ‘don’t touch me’ more than the hunched shoulders and arms crossed tightly over his chest.

And then it dawns on him. 

There are only two people who would make him react in this way, and Eddie is instantly certain that they’re both standing right behind them. 

“Evan,” another voice says, a woman this time. 

Buck squeezes his eyes closed tightly, and Eddie can see the way his shoulders rise and fall as he takes a deep breath. Then, with a look on his face that Eddie has never seen before, Buck turns around to face his parents. 

“Why are you here?” are the first words out of Buck’s mouth. 

Eddie turns to look at them too, because even if Buck doesn’t want him here right now, Eddie knows that he needs him. Buck has a habit of doing that, pushing people away when he needs them most. It’s like pushing people away is Buck’s way of holding on for dear life, his way of asking for help. And Buck is family, so Eddie will always, always have his back. 

They’re not what Eddie expected. His dad is shorter than Buck, with dark hair and an expensive looking outfit. His mom has blond hair like Buck, but her face is pinched and she has none of the warmth that Buck exudes so naturally. They look cold, mean, and suddenly all the abuse Buck has told him about has a face. A face that Eddie would quite like to punch. 

“Is that any way to speak to your mother?” his dad asks, and Eddie can _see_ Buck flinch. 

“What do you want?”

Buck’s voice is far steadier than Eddie would have expected, and he feels proud of him, proud that he’s standing up to these people even though he’s afraid. He wants to go up to him, stand close so Buck has someone to lean on, but he hangs back. 

“We wanted to see you, Evan. It’s been so long,” his mom says. 

Buck scoffs, shakes his head at her hollow words. 

“Yeah, well, I wonder why.”

“We worked hard to find you,” his dad says, and he somehow manages to make it sound like a threat. 

Eddie just finds that creepy. Buck had left the second he graduated high school and not looked back for a reason. They had no right to come looking for him, no right to show up at his place of work after all these years. They don’t deserve to even _see_ him. 

“Well you shouldn’t have bothered,” Buck tells them, crossing his arms again. 

“You watch your tongue, boy!” His father yells. “We come all this way and _this_ is how you treat us? You’ll show us some damn respect.” 

“I don’t owe you anything,” Buck says, standing his ground. 

Eddie looks briefly around the room, and although it’s empty, he can see Hen and Chim watching the interaction from inside the locker room. The door is closed so they probably can’t hear what’s being said, but Eddie feels better knowing that they have witnesses to this. He knows exactly what Buck’s father is capable of, and if Eddie has to take a swing at him, he’s glad he’ll have backup. 

“We just wanted to see you, Evan,” his mom says, clearly trying to deescalate the situation. “You and your sister.”

And if Eddie thought Buck was tense before, he was way off, because Buck’s entire body turns to stone, his face made from thunder. Eddie can see the way he tightens his fists, and has to resist the urge to take hold of his hands and pull him away. 

“Maddie isn’t here.”

His mom’s face changes slightly, and it’s clear that they only found out Buck’s location, not Maddie’s. They were obviously hoping that Buck would let it slip in some way. But he doesn’t play when it comes to Maddie, and Eddie knows that he’d burn this whole place down with his parents inside before he let them get anywhere near Maddie ever again. 

“Where is she?” His dad asks. 

Buck laughs at that. It sounds cold and bitter, and it feels like a lifetime ago that they were driving Christopher to school and Buck was laughing so joyously. He looks and sounds like a completely different person now, and Eddie hates that the people to bring this out of him are his parents. Buck deserves, has _always_ deserved, so much better than these people. 

“You know I’m not going to tell you that,” Buck says. 

Eddie has a brief vision of Maddie walking into the firehouse as they speak, but he knows that she’s working today. And if he knows Chimney at all, he’d have already messaged her, warning her to stay away. 

“Well then, are you at least going to introduce us to your friends?” His dad asks, nodding in Eddie’s direction without actually looking at him. 

Buck glances back at Eddie, but they barely even have chance to make eye contact before Buck is facing his parents again. 

“No.”

He knows it’s not appropriate, but Eddie is almost overcome with the urge to laugh. Buck’s dad is steadily growing redder in the face, and Eddie finds a quiet joy in how much he must hate this, how much he must absolutely despise his son talking back and refusing to do what he asks. He’d spent years trying to break Buck down, and he failed, and Eddie is so glad. 

“Well how have you been?”

His mom is clearly trying to diffuse some of the tension, but Eddie isn’t buying her desperate mother act. He knows she was just as bad, even if she never actually lay a hand on Buck herself. She let her husband, and she belittled him, and she allowed him to feel unsafe in the one place he was supposed to be protected from everything. Eddie hates her just as much. 

“Fine. You can leave now.”

She’s wringing her hands and looking desperate now, but when she takes a step forwards, Buck just moves further back. Her face falls a little, and Eddie gets the impression that maybe she’s feeling guilty, but it’s not enough. Not when he looks at the love of his life, the person who is always warm and loving and gentle, and sees someone who is hard and callous, someone he doesn’t recognise. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness. 

“We saw that boy, on your social media. Is he your son?” His mom asks. 

Her voice breaks and tears begin to fill her eyes. Eddie’s whole body fills with rage. How dare she. How dare she spend years treating Buck the way she did, then have the audacity to even _ask_ about Christopher. They don’t even get to _think_ about him. 

“He’s _our_ son,” Eddie finally joins in, wrapping a careful arm around Buck’s waist as he replies. 

He’d tried to stay out of it, but when they involve Christopher, when they bring his son into this, he’s not going to keep his mouth shut. 

He can feel Buck lean into him even has his mom’s mouth drops and his fathers face turns an ugly shade of crimson. They both know what’s coming, and they’re both ready for it, because at least they have each other. 

“What?” His dad yells. 

“You heard.”

“I thought I raised you better than that Evan,” his had hisses, his hand raised and finger pointing, shaking it in the air. 

Eddie doesn’t miss the way Buck flinches when his dad calls him by his name. Every time Eddie calls him Evan, he smiles bright and wide, relaxes into him more, seems warmer, somehow. He can’t believe his father hurt him so badly that Buck is afraid to even hear his own name coming from his mouth. It makes Eddie want to cry. 

Eddie holds him closer, as if he can somehow protect Buck from the vicious words his father throws at him, sticking into his skin like shrapnel, tearing open old wounds Buck thought had healed. 

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but you didn’t manage to beat it out of me,” Buck retorts. 

Eddie has to take a deep breath so he doesn’t do something that he can’t take back. But he can feel the way Buck trembles against him, like he’s a little kid again, facing his father’s fury. He wants to make Buck’s parents hurt the way that they hurt Buck. And he knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help it. Buck is his family, and Eddie protects his family with everything in him. 

“I was raising you right!” His father shouts. “I was teaching you how to be a man, how to be strong!”

“I was a _kid!_ I didn’t need to be strong, I needed to be _safe!_ And you took that from me, the two people who were supposed to protect me above everything.”

Buck had remained steady so far, but he’s yelling now, and he’s almost crying. Eddie’s heart is aching, and he would do anything to make this all better. 

“You need to leave,” Eddie tells them. 

He can’t watch this any longer. He can’t let these strangers try to come back into Buck’s life and continue to abuse him. Eddie thinks he’s done well controlling his anger as of lately, but he’s more than willing to let it show if he needs to. 

“Who do you think you are, telling us what to do?” Buck’s father asks, finally looking at Eddie. 

Eddie is walking towards them slowly, hands clenched into fists in the pockets of his trousers. He gets a sick sense of satisfaction when they both take several steps back. 

“Maybe you didn’t hear me,” Eddie says, and his voice is low and threatening, “but I told you to leave.”

“If you don’t leave the premises immediately, the police will be called,” Bobby’s voice echoes through the room.

Eddie turns around as Bobby is walking down the stairs and over towards them. He stops just in front of Buck, like a shield. He looks Buck’s father dead in his eyes and refuses to look away first. 

“Well, you’ve made your feelings quite clear, Evan,” his mom says. 

“Good.”

“You disgust me,” his dad says, and it takes everything in Eddie not to take a swing at him. 

“The feeling is mutual,” Buck says. “Goodbye.”

They turn their backs and leave the firehouse, and the second they’re gone the atmosphere shifts. Eddie doesn’t hesitate to rush back over to where Buck is standing and pull him into his arms. 

The way Buck gasps as Eddie holds him, it’s like he’d stopped breathing the second he heard their voices and could only start again once they were gone. Hen, Chim, and Bobby hover close by but don’t say anything, and Buck just holds on to Eddie like he’s his life raft. He’s shaking and Eddie has to bite his lip to stop from crying. 

“Buck,” Eddie whispers. 

He starts to shake his head and pulls back, out of Eddie’s arms. He glances at Chim, Hen, and Bobby, and smiles nervously at them, but doesn’t say anything. 

“Evan-“

“Please, just. Please don’t. I can’t, right now.”

And Eddie gets it, or course he does, but it breaks his heart watching Buck walk away from them, knowing there’s absolutely nothing any of them can say or do to make this go away for him.

**—————**

Bobby had tried to send Buck home, but if he’s anything, Buck is stubborn. So he finishes out the shift, even thought he’s quiet and withdrawn all day. He’s focused on calls, because Buck never gives anything less than his best, but Eddie is relieved when it’s finally time for them to go home. He couldn’t handle Buck getting hurt on top of everything else.

It’s late when they finally leave the station, and the car ride to pick up Christopher from his Abuela’s is completely silent except for the crunch of gravel beneath the tires and the AC blowing. 

Christopher is already in his pyjamas and half asleep when they pick him up, but he gives them both a sleepy smile and Buck holds him tight as he carries him out to the car. Eddie pretends he doesn’t see the way Buck hides his face in Chris’ hair to keep him from seeing the tears.

It’s not lost on Eddie how miraculous is it that Buck has turned out the way he has. After being raised by his parents, it would have been understandable if Buck had ended up just like them. But no. He’s the exact opposite. He’s warm and he’s loving and he has the biggest heart of anyone Eddie has ever known. 

The drive home is quiet too, but occasionally Christopher will tell them something about his day in a sleepy voice. Buck is as interested and enthusiastic as he always is, and once they get home he even reads Chris a bedtime story. 

But once Christopher is fast asleep and his door is firmly closed, Buck breaks. He collapses onto the couch and begins to cry, his head resting in his hands as he tugs at his hair. 

“Shh, Buck, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Eddie says. 

He rushes to sit down beside Buck, wrapping an arm around his back and letting his forehead rest on Buck’s shoulder as he whispers words of comfort. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Eddie promises. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Buck hiccups. 

He sits up and tries to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they just keep falling. Gently, Eddie takes hold of his hands and pulls them up to his mouth so he can kiss them both. The look on Buck’s face softens and he smiles at Eddie for the first time since his parents showed up. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Eddie promises him. 

“I just. I can’t believe they found me, you know? I thought - I thought they were out of my life for good.”

Buck is focusing on their entwined hands in Eddie’s lap to avoid eye contact. Eddie knows this has brought up a whole host of feelings that Buck thought were locked firmly away in a box he’s no longer willing to touch. He also knows from the way Buck is curling in on himself that he’s feeling vulnerable and insecure, and Eddie knows that he needs reassurance above anything. 

“I’m sorry they found you, Buck. But they’re gone now, okay? They’re gone and you’re safe. Maddie is safe,” Eddie reassures him. 

Buck nods, taking a deep, shaking breath. 

“Yeah, they’re gone now.”

“You handled it so well, you know?” Eddie tells him. “I’m proud of you.”

Because that’s something Buck deserves to hear, and he knows it’s not something he heard very often - if ever - as a child. 

Buck smiles softly but shakes his head, still won’t make eye contact with Eddie. 

“I just. _Fuck._ I don’t want to be anything like him, you know?”

Buck’s voice cracks, and along with it, Eddie’s heart. Because seriously, fuck his parents so much. They had the worlds greatest kid and they couldn’t see it, so they broke him down so much that even now, years after leaving them behind, he’s afraid of becoming anything like them. Eddie hates that Buck could even view that as a possibility, and he hates that Buck can’t see how different he is from them. 

“Evan, mi amor, you are absolutely _nothing_ like him, okay?”

Buck shakes his head. “I don’t know, what if I-“

“Buck, you are an _amazing_ dad to Christopher. You are so _good_ , sweetheart,” Eddie says. 

Buck looks at him then, and his eyes are bloodshot from where he’s been crying and his lips are bitten red, but god, is he beautiful. Buck tilts his head forwards so their foreheads are pressing together. They stay like that for a few moments, the only sound their own breathing. 

When he moves away, Buck is smiling sadly. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I know I’m not easy to love.”

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate. He lets go of Buck’s hands and immediately moves his own to either side of Buck’s face, forcing him to keep looking Eddie in the eye. He needs Buck to look at him when he says this, and he needs him to really, _really_ hear him. 

“Relationships are never _easy_ , Buck. No one ever said they were,” Eddie says. “But loving you? Baby, that’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

Tears slide down Buck’s cheeks but he’s smiling, and Eddie brushes them away with the pads of his thumbs. 

“I love you so much,” Buck whispers. 

“I love you too, Evan,” Eddie replies. 

Their mouths finds each other so easily, and Eddie can feel the tension bleed from Buck’s entire body as they kiss. 

It actually reminds Eddie of their first kiss, when Buck had been waiting by Eddie’s hospital bed after the earth had collapsed on top of him. It was soft and gentle and said everything they wanted to say without the need for words, just like this one.

“Lets go to bed,” Eddie says when they finally part, breathless. 

He takes Buck’s hands and pulls him up off the couch, then they stumble their way to the bedroom, too tired and drained to do much but pull off their clothes and fall into bed. 

When Buck rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder and wraps his arm around his waist, something settles in Eddie’s chest that had been off balance all day. 

They’re right where they belong.

_Break my walls down stone by stone  
Tear down my defenses  
I can build your heart a home_


End file.
